You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
