it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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