I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
