the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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