Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
