oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
