Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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