i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
