I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
