i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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