The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it hurts more in the daytime
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
