god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
