I wish I could punch you in the face.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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