i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
