apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
