hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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