My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
