We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
