I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
