they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
