Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
