You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we should paint friendship bongs
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
