I'm gonna have a badass scar
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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