dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
