You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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