Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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