In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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