Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
