so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
