We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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