All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
