She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
