How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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