even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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