I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
