If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
