You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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