I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
