last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think people are normalizing furries
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
