Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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