Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
