i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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