I feel great
I just peed on a car
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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