Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
