And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My penis needs a shock collar
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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