i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
