And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
