Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you inspire me to be a worse person
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
