Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
