how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
