Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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