I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
