My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize