What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
