its not stalking. its research.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
