Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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