The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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