I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
