dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
