i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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